The Freedom of Sleep

Yesterday morning I woke up to darkness. For ten minutes or so I snuggled in my blankets hoping that the darkness meant that I had somehow awaken at 3 in the morning. I thought about checking my phone to make sure it was still in the dead of night but I think my intuition was betraying me. I knew that it wasn't. I'm not exactly sure how I knew but I did. Its this damn internal clock of mine, always waking me up ten minutes before I'm supposed.

I checked my phone...it was 6:30 a.m.

I throw my phone into a pile of dirty laundry.

I think it should be a law that no person should have to wake up while its still dark. I'll leave room in the law for people who WANT to wake up before its dark but rest assured you will be prejudiced against as being some sort of freak if you do.

It will be a new ammendment to the constitution: The Freedom of Sleep.

The Freedom of Sleep states that all men, being created equal, have the freedom to sleep until they see fit.

HELL YEAH! I should run for President.
My slogan would be "I promise more sleep for the American People!" and my stickers would read "Get your Zzzzzzzzzz's 08." AND my VP running mate will be a sheep.

When I go into a debate with the other candidates and they ask me questions that are too tough for me to answer, I'll just say "You look tired Sen. Obama. Are you sure you getting enough sleep." Then I'll look into the camera and tell the world, "Get your Zzzzzzzzzzz's Vote for meeeeeeeeeee."

People will vote in droves. The tired and exhausted of America will sluggishly make their way to the voting booths, the crusties still clinging to the corners of their eyes, some still in their pajamas, to vote for me.

My political party will be called Caer-Ibormeitheocracy after the Irish god of Sleep Caer Ibormeith. This new political party will sweep the nation.

My first order of business upon being elected President and getting the aforementioned ammendment passed(which, bytheway, will likely require the help of the mob because of the dysfunctionality of our congress), I will institute a new law stating that Viking Folk metal is indeed more awesome than you think and every morning, everyone will be required to watch music videos from Viking Folk Metal bands, painting our faces with red streaks and swinging swords.

Oh yeah, I think I will require the military to wear animals skins, grow long braided beards, and leather body armor. I'm also going to replace our guns and tanks with swords, axes, and catapults.

oh, and every battle will feature a live Viking Metal band playing on a stage behind our men fighting. The other side will be so into it, rocking out and pretending to shred on guitar, that they'll be too distracted to use their guns and their tanks so we'll be able to sweep in and wipe them out.

It'll be awesome. No one would protest war anymore because it would be so awesome. We'd be fighting over tickets to the next battle. Men and Women would be lining up around the corner at your nearest Military recruit office, eager to add their names to the ranks of warriors.

Oh, we'll also institute the old bardic tradition of poetic storytelling and recounting of heroic warriors.

But most of all, we'll get enough sleep AND we won't have to wake up before the sun does.
If this video doesn't get me votes with both the metal crowd and the Tolkien crowd, I don't know what will.

Ensiferum will be my Secretary of Awesome.



Turisas will be my Secretary of Battles.



I just want to add that Glen Hansard, featured in the video below, has a striking resemblence to my good friend, Brenden. They're not identical but very similar, especially in how they look when they sing and play the guitar. Keep in mind that this new institution of Viking Folk Metal will not eliminate other music. People will still be free to listen to stuff as awesome as this.