I didn't even last a week...

Okay, so my goal of blogging everyday for a month didn't even last a week. Last night, Hannah and I spent the evening with my cousin Christian and his wife. We didn't get home until 2 a.m. and so my goal was shattered. I guess I should have blogged earlier in the day. I missed todays as well because after we picked up the kids from Rays, we realized that Cam Bam's shoes were soaking wet and his snow boots are destroyed so I drove to three different Wal-Marts searching for something he could wear to school tomorrow. It was quite the adventure but I'm in no mood to write about it. It's 2 a.m. and I just finished my homework and I have to wake up in five hours. I'm sure my failed attempt at blogging for a month straight will go unnoticed so I'm not even sure why exactly I'm posting this lament.

oh well. such is life.

Day 4, Iron knee

I have 40 minutes to blog this one out in order to keep my goal...it is exactly 11:20...

ready...

set...

go.

I experienced an interesting bit of irony tonight. Hannah and I decided that we'd treat the kids to a nice dinner since it was friday night and we all seemed eager to get out. So we decided, since we had a two for one coupon, to go to The Mayan. For those of you who are unaware of this restuarant that was humbly established in the Sandy area when I was in high school, it is basically a mexican joint with some waterfalls and cliff divers...and fake birds and fake tropical sounds.

I haven't been to this place since the first year that it opened, when it was a big deal. I don't remember the food being too great but the atmosphere was pretty cool. I must have been a junior or senior in high school when it opened.

We thought this would be a fun experience for the kids so we packed into our small little sedan and made the 40 minute drive through fog. We guessed correctly because as soon as we got to the restaurant, the kids were entranced. They loved the place. They especially loved watching the cliff divers.

The service was quick and our waiter was very nice and helpful. Now, I love mexican food. I grew up in San Diego and I have fond memories of eating at mexican places. I especially love the bowl of hot chips and salsa. Our waiter brought us some chips and I was in heaven. I could eat chips and salsa forever. Shortly thereafter, he brought out our food. I ordered a shredded beef enchilada. The shredded beef wasn't great and neither was the sauce they poured over it. But it was good...UNTIL I noticed that my throat was starting to swell up.

So I stopped eating. I looked at Hannah and pointed at my throat. She knew immediately what I meant. Luckily, the reaction wasn't as bad as the time I went to the Emergency Room. The enchilada was bland enough that it probably didn't have enough of whatever it is that I'm allergic to in it. So my throat swelled up just enough to be annoying. Everyone finished their meal and we drove home. It's been about two hours since we ate and I can still feel a little bit of a lump in my throat but it's pretty much gone.

However, it did remind me of the $600.00 burrito.

Day 3, The Value of the Burrito has doubled.

I've been drinking a lot of Vitamin Water lately. I like them. It's like drinking water and getting my vitamins at the same time! Wow! What's next, television's in the kitchen? Anyway, I've been on a mission to quit drinking Dr. Pepper since the first of Janaury. One might say that I set a New Year's resolution. Well, I haven't had any soda since the 1st. I was really proud of myself. "Was" being the operative word in that sentence. I relasped.

I was having such a good day. I woke up, took a shower, took the boys to school, took Tavia to pre-school, took myself to school, then took everyone in my Non-fiction writing class to school, and even used the word 'school' five times in one sentence. *Count it!*

Then the headache started. I was running an errand for one of the English professors which involved a lot of walking around and it started slowly. The beeping in the English Department is probably what started it.

It's still beeping.

After running the errand, I decided that I wanted to feel like a responsible adult and so I called the hospital to make sure that my Emergency Room bill account was taken care off (see previous blog). A quick summary of last blog: I was called by a collector for a bill that I already paid to a different collection company. Or so I thought.

I called the Hospital (and got put on hold for 15 minutes) to make sure that my account was paid in full so that the collection company would stop calling me and take me off their list. The hospital shows no record of payment. I tell them that I just paid the bill with Moutainland Collections and the lady explains to me that they don't use that Collection company. I proceeded to tell her that the bill that I was holding in my hand shows that Timpanogoes Regional Hospital Emergency Room as the client on the bill. She denies the possibility that it could be them because, like she said, they don't use that collection company. She was a rather coarse women with little sympathy. I, up to this point, had been very polite. She then explained to me that the Doctor that saw me that evening may use that collection company. I was perplexed seeing as I was never told that I would be billed by both the hospital and the doctor...and that both bills would be exactly the same amount...an absurd amount to begin with. Plus I said that if this was in fact the bill from the Doctor, shouldn't the collection company have named the Doctor or his practice as the Client rather than the T.R.H.E.R. She said she has no idea why and that she doesn't care what my bill says. Then I proceeded to tell her how absurd that is to be billed seperately by the hospital AND the doctor that talked to me for two minutes AT the hospital that employs the doctor. AND how after three hours of waiting for said Doctor, he came in for not even two minutes to explain to me that I was fine and that one of the nurses would shoot me in the ass with dyphenhydramine and give me a couple pills before he walked out. I wouldn't say that this experience was worth $300 dollars. I don't even think the whole experience of waiting three hours before this experience with the doctor was worth $300 dollars. Then I asked her why the hospital bill was 300 dollars and this was her response "Because they hooked you up to a heart monitor and put you in a room with a bed." I respond with something about that being absurd and how I don't expect to pay 300 dollars to wait in a room and watch my heart rate for three hours before someone could actually see me. If I had known that those things would have cost so much, I would have told the nurse that I'd just sit in a chair and wait until the doctor could see me. If I had known that all they were going to do was give me a shot of benadryl(dyphenhydramine) than I just would have gone to the store and bought me a bottle of the stuff for $3.99 rather than pay $600.00.

That's right...the price of that burrito has now doubled. It was $600.00. I dare say that might be the most expensive burrito in history.

I told her that I would speak with the Doctor that talked to me for two minutes and that I would be dispute the hospitals bill. I was so angry, so frustrated, so headache-ish, that I bought a soda. I fell off the wagon. I was ready to go down to the hospital and protest their wicked ways. It is absolutely absurd about how much they charged me for how little was done.

I am also upset that Dr. Micah Jones sent me to collections under false pretenses (supposedly, I'm still skeptical that there was even two different bills), saying that I was paying the T.R.H.E.R. AND if it was his bill, I want it refunded because I don't care who you are...nobody should be making 300 dollars for two minutes of dialogue that could have been discovered on WEBMD.

At this point, I don't want to pay the bill on my belief that it is not ethical to charge someone so much for what was apparently an emergency, screw my credit score. A hundred years ago, I probably would have paid the Doctor with a simple grin and a hand-shake and the good feeling of helping someone out. What has this world come to? We live in an absurd reality where the rich are able AND willing to exploit the poor. Are there no morals left in business? Business?!!! An emergency room shouldn't be a business. It should be for people with emergencies regardless of their insurance situation or lack thereof. I'm definitely NOT for the socialization of medicine but I think that socializing Emergency Rooms would be the ethically moral thing to do. Now before you go telling me of horror stories of how people in Canada and England have to wait 6 hours before they see a Doctor...I would say that I am all for having strict regulations as to what would be considered an emergency (broken limbs, punctured lungs, ugly faces). My case for example...I had an allergic reaction that caused my throat to swell up making it difficult to breath. Was this an emergency? It sure felt like an emergency BUT definitely not a $600 dollar "I'm about to die" emergency. Someone at the hospital could have simply said "Sir, take some benadryl and you'll be fine in an hour."

Also, I was never told how much the E.R. visit would cost me before I signed the release. They wouldn't tell me.

I want to run inside the E.R. and kick over an E.K.G. machine and run out whilst holding a sign that says "IF YOU HAVE AN EMERGENCY...GO TO THE ONE IN PROVO OR AMERICAN FORK!!!"

On top of all this...I've decided to grow my chest hair out because Hannah wants to know what it looks like when it's all grown out. I've been shaving my chest since high school. I'm not even sure what it looks like. I hate hair. But I love my wife so I'm letting it grow out...so my chest is all itchy. I'm starting to take the shape of a caveman.

The end.

Day 2, Pirates Vs Ninjas

Today was pretty much a normal wednesday, minus the still constant beeping noise in the English department. In a moment of desperation, I pulled out an old used gift card and I tried to jimmy the door open in hopes that by doing so, I could figure out what was beeping...and then beat it with my foot until it stopped beeping. For heaven sake, the English department has started to sound like an Intesive Care Unit.

This was to no avail and all I ended up with was a bent up piece of plastic.

I was reminded of the beauty of childlike innocence today...twice actually. The first time came when Hannah picked me up from school after picking up Tavia from pre-school. When I got in the car, Tavia was hiding under her blanky. She wanted to surprise me. It was cute. She continued this several times even after I got in the car. The funniest time was when she told me to count. This was obviously her cue to me that we were now playing her favorite game, hide-and-go-seek. Hannah and I both laughed because we knew that Tavia believed that she was really hiding when she put the blanket over her. She really believes that she becomes invisible, like Harry Potter though she's never seen any of the movie. It's actually quite refreshing to see such innocence.

Again, this innocence sparked a memory that has been only a few weeks old. Oddly enough, it also involves our little white car. It was late one night and the kids and I were waiting in the car while Hannah ran inside the Grocery store to get some milk. While she was in the car, I played a little trick on the kids. I turned the light on in the car and then I proceeded to push the power windows button as if to shut the window BUT the window was already shut. This divergence of power caused the light to dim just a little bit. When I did this trick for the kids, I didn't show them what I was doing to make the light dim, I just told them that I could make the light dim with MY MIND!!! Du-du-duuuuuuuuu!

Sure, I may have been lying to the kids but they thought it was very entertaining and they believed every bit of it...so I'll justify it for now. I decided to give them all a little ego boost and so I asked them, one by one, to focus on the light really hard and picture the light getting dimmer. One by one, they each crunched their eyebrows together as if they were lifting a heavy weight and they stared...and I caused the light to dim. They were all amazed at their feat and were very excited to tell mommy what they could do. Sterling and Tavia have likely forgotten that night and their encounter with psychokinesis.

Well, yesterday Cameron reminded us that he could dim the light with his mind. He said it with this huge grin while his eyebrows bounce up and down excitedly, like he had just found out that he had the force (Cam Bam is a huge Star Wars Fan).

After school, I was in Walmart shopping for batteries when a debt collector called me. They were calling for a fee that I acquired last July when I bit into a burrito at Cafe Rio and had an allergic reaction that sent me to the emergency room. I'll spare all the fun details of that evening but to sum it up...I sat in the E.R. for three or so hours before a doctor even saw me while my throat was nearly closed up and I could barely breath. All the Doc did when he did see me was give me a shot in my ass of what was essentially benadryl and a few pills to help the swelling go down. This whole experience cost me 300 dollars and because I don't have insurance and I'm a poor student...I couldn't pay for it.

That was likely the most expensive bite of burrito I'll ever have. It was good, I'll give it that much.

Anyway, they sent me to collections. I paid the account in full last week but here I am in Walmart with some snappy little girl trying to collect money I've already paid. She said that they didn't show any payment on the account. To put it gently...I was not happy. I did manage to hang up the phone on the girl before making too much of a scene at Walmart.

When I get home and find the receipt for said payment, I call back. It turns out that I paid a different Collection Agency. So Timpanogoes Hospital sent me to two different collection agencies (hooray Timpanogoes Hospital for being relentlessly greedy to a man without insurance). I tell the lady at the aforementioned Collection office that I paid a different collection office, one that was much nicer to me, and she says that I have to fax her proof of said payment. This made me more angry. I told her that I already paid the bill and I shouldn't have to prove anything to them...if they want proof, they can call the hospital. She says they can't because of legal reasons. I know that this is false...and I ask to speak to her manager. The manager tells me that he'll contact the hospital and confirm that the account was paid. I thank him and hang up. I've learned from experience that debt collectors are liars. They will say whatever they can to get their commission.

There is actually a biblical holiday that was celebrated in the old testament called Jubilee. Some of the most strict Orthodox Jews still follow this tradition. It only happens something like every 58 years when they celebrate Jubilee. Jubilee consists of great feasts, feeding the poor, and a bunch of other things BUT the coolest thing of all is that they are to forgive and forget all debts.

So this is my economic stimulus package idea: lets forgive all debt that is in collections and put collection agencies out of business for a year. People who are far worse off than myself in the collections department would be able to breath again. This emergency room debt was the only thing I currently had in collections but I've had stuff in collections before and I know the drill and how stressful it can be when they call you 8 times a day leaving hollow lies on your answering machine like "I need this paid in full no later than tomorrow by noon." They make you feel like you're going to go to prison in an orange jumpsuit if you don't make that payment by noon. They'd say this every single day and nothing would happen BUT that didn't stop the stress, the constant worry and fear. So a jubilee year is in order. I know, I know...it's probably a stupid idea but seriously, the average American is drowning in debt. Imagine if that debt were erased even for a year and everyone got a fresh start...the economy would boom. People would likely go back into debt (because we're a debt minded society) but at least for a year we could live without the stress of avoiding soul-less collectors that are more concerned about getting their commission than whether or not you can afford to make a payment. We could have a year where you won't have some snappy girl threaten you by saying that your credit score will go down if you don't make a payment. A credit score?!!! A stupid three-digit number that somehow determines your worth in society?!!! Come on people. We're better than that (or are we?).

Anyway, I'm done ranting. I just watched the season Premiere of LOST and I my mind is racing and I'm not sure this ranting is helping at all.

Day 1,

Right now I am reading a book called The Year of Living Biblically: One Man's Humble Quest to follow the Bible as Literally as Possible by A.J. Jacobs. It's a fun and insightful book about a man who decides to try and live the bible as literally as possible for one year. He grew up in a secular home without religion. This is his attempt to see why the bible is the most influential book in history. While being very funny, witty, and entertaining, the book is also very thought provoking. It doesn't mock religion in the way you would think. He actually finds purpose and beauty in the most bizarre practices like not wearing mixed fibers. Its written in a sort of quasi-journal type of way. This got me thinking of doing something similar.

So this is my little experiment...I'm going to blog every day for 30 days. Hopefully, I'll be able to make the rather mundane boring things in my life seem interesting and purposeful.

This morning, and the last 30 mornings, I've been waking up with The Killer's song "Human". It's the song that goes "Are we human or are we dancer?" The melody of that damn song is so infectious that I can't get it out of my head. And even worse, the grammar of that line is so horrendous that my brain wants to explode every time I hear it. I HAVE TO pluralize dancer when I sing it because it otherwise does not make sense at all.

The most annoying thing about this song getting stuck in my head is that I don't listen to The Killers. It's just always on. Every time I manage to erase it from my brain through relentless listening of Scandinavian Death metal, the song still happens to make its way back into my ears whether its at the gas tank filling up my car or at the grocery store. I can't escape it. What type of society is this that I have to play music at all times to avoid a song that IS the next major plague. Even Tavia was singing it last night when I was trying to get her pj's on her.

Don't get me wrong, the melody is fantastic...too much so. However, the lyrics are a ridiculously disjointed attempt to sound profound.

I can actually feel myself getting dumber when I hear this song. I fight it.

This brings me to my next note: Things that are annoying me today!

Constant Beeping: Right now there is a beeping sound coming from a closet in the English department that supposedly, I've been told, holds servers for the computer system. I'm not a computer person but I'm pretty sure they aren't referring to waiters stuffed into a closet waiting to serve computers. The annoying thing about this beeping noise is that we can't do anything about it. We've called a handful of people and UVU's service department said that they have to order a part...which will take a few days to weeks. I'm about ready to punch through the door and tear out whatever is beeping.

Kids that wear neon colored shoes. I'm really not sure why this late 80's/early 90's fad came back but seriously people...neon colored shoes are not cool, especially high-tops. They distract me from going doing menial tasks and I end up bumping into things when I walk as I shake my head back and forth.

Mustaches. Mustaches are reserved for policemen, firemen, and gay men. Also, you shouldn't be growing a mustache if you can't. I've been seeing far too many 18 to 19 year old boys around the halls of UVU with what looks like a dead caterpillar taped to their upper lips. It's just not cool. Just because the singer of The Killers has a mustache doesn't mean you should do the same...nor does it mean he should.

The Cold Outside: If I could, I would karate chop The Cold right in the throat. It is not welcome here.

Stupid Students: The first couple weeks of every semester is a drudgery of students who decided to register for classes after the semester has already started. The UVU English department has a very strict adding policy for students who want to get into a class. This is because English courses have a lot of writing and a teacher simply can't take every student that wants to get into their class. However, every student that walks in here today doesn't seem to understand this concept. We're already two weeks into the semester...most of these classes are have already done a significant amount of homework and reading. We tell them this and they still feel like it's our responsibility to get them into the class. And when they get angry when they can't get into the class, I just want to take them outside and flog them for being stupid and not registering when they should have. The best is when their parents come in with them because apparently they think that their father will have better luck getting them into the class that they want so desperately. "Tell your son/daughter to register as soon as they can next semester to avoid this problem."

Hugh Jackman: I don't have to explain this one.

2008 - Year in Review

So here I am...it's 2:32 in the morning, only two hours into 2009 and I have some pretty wicked nasty sinus pain. I've been using a netti pot (a supposedly ancient technique for clearing out the sinuses) several times a day and it has done little to relieve the mounting pressure in my sinuses. Every time I use it, I can breathe for a few minutes. I've tried everything...even the ancient pagan ritual of beating my head into the floor. Right now I have a humidifier next to me blowing hot steam into my face. I read online that this would help. I still can't breathe through either nostril and my skull feels like it'll pop at any moment. So appreciate this blog because I am writing this in great pain.

2008 started much like this year. My family met Hannah for the first time as we partook in my families ancient ritual (it pre-dates the roman era) of eating out at a Chinese Restaurant on New Years Eve. After dinner, Hannah and I went home and watched Braveheart and Donnie Darko as we waited for the new year to approach. This was a new experience for me as this was the first year of my life that I was actually in a relationship over New Years. I'm realizing just how geeky that sounds. It was nice to actually kiss someone as that giant ball in Time Square fell to welcome the new year.

I decided to take 18 credits that Spring because well, lets face it...I've been going to school too too long now. I just wanted to get through with it. So I moved back home, quit my job, and focused on school. Even though Hannah and I had only been dating for a couple months at this point, I had a feeling that things would get serious...serious serious. So going to school full-time was an easy choice for me. Hannah deserves a guy with an education.

That spring consisted of going to school, doing homework, dating Hannah, and getting to know Cameron, Sterling, and Tavia. I didn't meet the kids until late January. I remember meeting the each one at a time because I wanted to make sure they all had 100% of my attention. I remember how exciting it was to meet these little monkeys. From the moment I met each one of them, I felt like I'd known them their entire lives. A skeptic might say its because Hannah talked about them a lot but I'm betting that wasn't the case. They each have such distinct personalities, even on those first days when all they knew of me was that I was Hannah's friend. Back then I shaved my head and I wore beanies a lot. Sterling commented on my appearance as we drove from the Training Table to Chuck E' Cheese. He said "You look like a robber guy, but you're nice." I'll never live that down as the kids love to remind me that I look like a robber guy.

In May, I turned 27 and I also took Hannah down to San Diego to show her where I grew up. I proposed to her at a small cove just north of Scripps Beach. I wrote a song, that I recorded and put on my Ipod. I then proceeded to lead Hannah to this cove. It was about a half mile/mile hike from La Jolla Beach where we spent the day. When we got to the cove, I took out my Ipod, which I had hidden in my pocket, and had Hannah put the ear buds in as we sat on the beach and watched the waves break on the rocks. She said yes, we cried, we took a billion pictures to capture the moment, and then we hiked back.

The summer was spent thinking about the wedding, going to school, and dreaming about Ireland. As my Christmas present from the previous Christmas, my Dad gave me frequent flier miles to go to Ireland. We went Ireland for a week. It was everything I hoped it would be. That trip did nothing to damper my ambition to pursue an Irish Studies Masters degree.

In August, Fall semester began and I started my job as a work-study student in the English Department at UVU. It's awesome. I basically get paid to do my homework. Despite the sweet job, the semester was stressful. Planning a wedding, taking 15 credits while your fiance is also going to school full-time is not something I'd recommend. However, the wedding was amazing. It was everything I hoped it would be. It had kilts, Irish music, Irish traditions, Irish step-dancing, family, friends, the best cake I've ever tasted, and my beautifully gorgeous wife.

Getting married and becoming a step-father are to the two greatest achievements that I could ever have hoped for. Before I met Hannah I had given up on getting married. I seriously didn't think I'd ever meet anyone awesome enough for me *pops collar and smirks* but I did. I never imagined that I'd be a step-father. I also never imagined just how awesome it would be. The most common response I'd get when I told people I was marrying a girl with three kids was something akin to telling someone I had just contracted a terminal disease. They'd get all wide-eyed and say something awkward like "Wow, how's that?" Really though, it's so amazing.

So that was my year...pretty much about as awesome as it could possibly get.

The humidifier is failing me...goodnight.